A Blueprint

The truth is I never handled alcohol well.

From my first drink at 13 to my last drink 60 days ago, I was more often than not a blackout drunk. In the last years, I lied to everyone saying that it was worse after having kids but that’s just not true! The final stages saw me in conversations with my other half in which he made it quite clear that either I stopped or he would leave me and not trust me to take care of our girls.

I had glimpsed the AA rooms a couple of times but not really been willing to surrender to the fact that I am an alcoholic. This time I realised that I had nowhere else to go, that I had bored everyone with my woes as a result of drinking and had better get help. A good friend, a healer/shaman in London, told me that I should try rehab and it was that that pushed me into the AA programme once and for all…well with a couple of slips but only ever for 1 night, with the knowledge that I do not want to be ‘out there’ anymore.

The fact is that I was a dishonest, manipulative, insecure liability when I drank, a bloody awful combination. So it was time to change course. The AA meetings happened to be a 3 min walk from my house, so I entered the programme 18 months ago and I knew it was right straight away. No resistance this time. The change was pretty instant and I have been fortunate enough to have a home group that I really connect with. Thank god.

I am doing the steps slowly, I make the calls, I do service and I pay attention to the information that I hear in meetings. It does not mean I didn’t slip, I have 3 times . . . but I am reaching 60 days now and I have no doubt that sobriety really is the best thing for a good, peaceful, and honest life.

AA is teaching me about honesty, a value I did not live by before AA. For me, that’s an amazing turnaround and a daily discipline to work on. I am lucky to have the support of my family who saw very quickly the difference AA made. There is no other way. This 12 step programme is a blueprint on how to be a better person.

And really? Who doesn’t need that?

International Group in Stockholm