By The Grace of Something Out There

 

Four years ago today I woke up with a head about the size of Texas. My room was covered with cheese and crackers that I have no recollection of eating. My mouth felt like an army with muddy boots had just marched though there and I was so thirsty….SO THIRSTY, I could not drink enough water.

You see the day and night before I had “ tied one on” as we so adoringly say in the USA. My brother had died just eight days before and I had premeditated a drunk to end all drunks early in the morning of the ninth. And the ground was ripe for me as I was going to be all alone that day so that I could drink the way I wanted to.

I started early that day with an anti anxiety drug so that when I did start drinking I was sure to get to oblivion quickly. And it worked. I have little to no memory of that day.

But four years ago today, I remember. I remember how awful I felt. How lost, sad and alone I felt.
I felt a sense deep in me that this lifestyle is not working for me any longer. With the help and long distance intervention of friends who love me dearly, it was communicated to me that, and I quote “ We are worried about you, Chetana. We have heard you slurring your words and getting drunk out of your mind ONE TOO MANY TIMES lately!
I HATED to hear that but I knew they were right.

I know for a fact that I have a higher power that loves me and she has a team of angels that protect me or I would not be here writing this. When a friend recommended AA, I had no idea how to go about doing that. I live in a small community in Italy and there are no meetings around here.

I did not know there were online meetings but a couple of days later, that very friend found a link to AA online meetings. Then only a handful and only on Skype. I started going a few weeks later and the rest is history.
I am here today ONLY because there is a force out there in the universe that cares about me. I could have very easily not woken up four years ago today.

The booze and substances I had taken the day before could have anesthetized an elephant. But I survived. By the grace of something out there that is much, MUCH more powerful than I.

I am grateful today and everyday, even on the not so good days, that I made it. I am a survivor of active alcoholism and this is only one story. The day before was the last drink I took. The last time I put my body though a hellish situation that only an act of providence could have saved me from injury or death. And YET, I am here to write about it. That, to me, in and of itself, is a miracle.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your sobriety. For your love, kindness, care and shared “war stories”. As for me, my drinking and especially the last part was like being in a war. One that I did not wake up to the fact I was fighting until four years ago today.

I pray for continued sobriety for me and everyone out there that wants it. We can do this and if you are reading this message today and have not had a drink today, YOU ARE doing this too!

Here we are a family. The family I have been searching for all of my life. Thank you for being a part of saving my life, keeping me sober, and loving me, warts and all.

Chetana P., Italy