Practicing FROG in Milan

In a time of uncertainty, I pray for serenity. However, this hasn’t always been my first reaction. When I felt confused or out of control, I used to head straight to alcohol. And the more I drank, the more I could escape reality. It was like an instant vacation, where time would speed up and I didn’t have to take any responsibility for the destruction I was causing.

My careless sprees came to a screeching halt after an annual checkup at which my doctor told me I would die in 15 years if I carried on this way. It brought me back to Earth, but didn’t hit home hard enough for me to stop drinking.

Eventually I was able to physically stop drinking, but it took me years to admit to myself that I was an alcoholic. I fluctuated between rage and depression, often checking out of life by giving myself to other compulsions like food and unhealthy relationships.

I was finally given the gift of desperation and, with that, I simply asked for a miracle. I didn’t really know what that meant, but I was so tired of running from my life that I would give it a try. I found instant relief as if I were at home with myself and safe in the hands of my Higher Power.

As I sit in my home during the quarantine, I am learning first-hand what it means to accept life on life’s terms. I recently heard in a meeting someone share that they’ve found peace when they replaced asking “why” things were happening with the action of simply trusting that everything was happening exactly the way it was supposed to.

I don’t know “why” this is happening, but I do know that I am taking up precious time and energy I could be using to be of service to others as I search for an answer I most likely will not have.

Things I do know: it is a blessing to have the internet and stay connected with my fellows, sponsor and sponsees around the world. I have food to eat and a roof over my head. I am never alone, for I always have my Higher Power with me. Staying safe at home is being of service to others as I am doing my part to stop the spread of this virus.

Each day is filled with joy, but some days bring frustration – especially when time feels as if it is going by very slowly. What I am learning is to shift and see this time as a gift. I have more time to check in with others, listen and learn. I do my best to flow with life and plug into a constant 3rd step, practicing FROG (Full Reliance on God) and asking for guidance, love, tolerance and grace.

Elena C., Milan

 

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