Resentments

“Resentment is the “number one’’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.”  (p.64, Alcoholics Anonymous)

Going through the steps with my sponsor, I found I was a resentment looking for a character, just a bundle of resentment to what the world had done to me; full to overflowing with resentments I hadn’t dealt with and looking to get even.

My fourth step got me to list them all down on paper, see them for what they were. I had to become aware of the futility of them to have in my life and how they blocked me from the Sunlight of the Spirit. Working on through the steps helped me to deal with them, put them to rest for once and all.

If I am working my programme of recovery to the best of my ability I can keep on top of upcoming resentments and deal with them, should they arise.

“Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.’’ Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” (p.60, Alcoholics Anonymous),

I am not perfect, I can still let my emotions get the better of me. I can feel all bent out of shape at some real or perceived slight against my name, what I am trying to do in my AA life, or outside in the Muggle world where I am ever less understood. I have tried to “Get Even” with people. I can hold grudges and resentments against others that I am seeming unwilling to look at, far less then be willing to deal with them yet.

There are people in AA I don’t get along with. I have been maligned by others in AA, my sick brothers and sisters. Today, sometimes I can even pray for them if I am spiritually fit! I still don’t need to like them or speak to them, but I try to appreciate that they are doing their best with what they have. Plotting revenge on them for real or perceived wrongs only messes with my head, giving them rent free room in my head.

Writing these things down, taking a step back, and looking at them on the page helps me help me. If you get something from this article, then great, but it was written by me, for me.

All the best to you on your journey wherever it may take you, may your God go with you

LIF

Wullie I.