A decision—Step 3

Amsterdam, 2025

Turning control over to a higher power can seem daunting. In this personal account, a fellow reflects on her struggle with the Third Step of Alcoholics Anonymous — learning to trust, let go, and surrender their sobriety, finances, and relationships to a power greater than themselves. Through moments of fear, obsession, and uncertainty, she learned how to gain trust and find peace.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

For three years of my sobriety, I avoided the Third Step (or any other steps). The idea of turning my will and my life over to the care of a God of my understanding was completely foreign to me. During my drinking, I couldn’t trust myself, let alone anyone else. And now, in AA, I was being asked to trust God. It was hard.

But sobriety became miserable. The obsession to drink came back, and I had no choice but to ask for help.

The first time I said my Third Step prayer, I was on my knees in my sponsor’s kitchen. I felt hope that AA might actually help me. And I have not felt hope in a long time.

Surrendering my sobriety to God was surprisingly easy. The hardest part was handing over my finances and my love life.

With finances, fear held me back. I worried that if I truly let go, my Higher Power might want me to be very spiritually awakened but poor. But no matter how much or how little money I had, financial insecurity was always with me there. But surrender required action. After completing my fifth step, I had to let go of certain financial behaviors. I prayed, asked God for help, and told myself I would be okay no matter what. Strangely, after that, the fear started to fade. It still creeps in sometimes, but when it does, I ask God to direct my thinking.

Romance, though, is a different story. I want to make men stay, and I’m willing to go to any lengths to make that happen. But it never works. It only brings obsession, and they always leave. After years of struggling with this pattern, I finally reached a point where I told myself I’d be okay no matter what. My sponsor once told me, “God is in the pause.”

There was a guy I was obsessing over, my mind spinning with ways to make him want me. But instead of acting on those thoughts, I decided to pause and make space for God. Doing nothing was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done—but it worked. The obsession disappeared.

I know the Third Step is due when I start future-tripping over outcomes. When I catch myself doing it, I remind myself to pause and ask God to direct my thinking. I trust my Higher Power. I get everything I need, so there is no reason to be anxious about the future.

– Aušrinė