Germany, 2025
Step Nine is where willingness turns into action. Having seen the nature of our wrongs in Step Four, admitted them in Step Five, and become willing to make amends in Step Eight, we now begin to set things right. This step is not about words alone but about concrete actions: facing people we have harmed, acknowledging what we did, and doing our part to repair the damage—it is the road to freedom.
Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
“We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves.” (p. 76)
By the time I got to Step Nine, I had been shown that living on self-will did not work. I recoiled when I saw the exact nature of my wrongs and how I had harmed others. I need a relationship with God, and while the channel had started to be cleared by taking the preceding Steps, it was still blocked by unmade amends and guilt. Relationships were damaged. I wanted to avoid certain places in case I bumped into people. I owed money. I was still engaging in some weird behaviours around my finances because I hadn’t faced my creditors.
It was now time for me to repair the damage from the past, so that I could live freely and usefully, fitting myself to be of maximum service to God and others. I took the list I had made in Step Eight of those I had harmed. In prayer, with guidance from a sponsor, and using the general principles outlined in the Big Book, I considered how best to approach them. The amends took various forms. Some I made in person. For some, because of the sensitivity, the relationship, or the time that had passed, a letter was more appropriate. I returned the things I had “borrowed” and never returned. I started paying back the money; I couldn’t afford to do this all at once, so I approached my creditors and set up payment plans.
In the amends, I acknowledged what I did, recognised the impact, apologised, and rectified the harm. With family in particular, this was the beginning of a long period of reconstruction. There have been a few tough times along the way, but as I continue showing up sober and practicing spiritual principles, relationships are healing… My mum told me she can see she really has got her daughter back. My sister told me she trusts me to look after my nephew (who laughs when we’re together and calls me “funny Auntie Cara”). I thank God for these moments.
I still have amends to make, and there have been times I have been frightened and tried to avoid doing them. During these times, I reminded myself that I said I was willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and have a spiritual experience, and therefore need to make all the amends. I asked God for the strength and direction to do the right thing. And the promise came true: suddenly I realised God is doing for me what I could do not for myself. As I made amends, the sense of separation began to disappear. I started to wake up to being in a loving God’s hands as I went out to try to carry the message.
– Cara
In taking the Steps, I have found it essential to do so with the guidance of a sponsor, never more so than with Steps 8 and 9.
My first experience of Step 9 came very early in sobriety. I had accumulated a huge amount of debt in active alcoholism, and my creditors’ next move was going to be a house call to my parents, with whom I was living. I called my sponsor, fully expecting him to give me a loan to keep the wolf from the door. I didn’t get the loan. Instead, he suggested I write a list of all my creditors, contact them, and admit my debt. With extreme trepidation, I did just that. To my surprise, all they wanted was their money back. With the help of a charity, I drew up a budget and made a plan to repay them monthly.
When I later reached Steps 8 and 9, I started with a very short list of people I thought I had harmed. It wasn’t everyone — only those I believed making amends to would make my life easier. Within a couple of years, I was consumed with resentment. Going back through the Steps, I made a thorough list of all the people I had harmed and became clear on exactly what those harms were. Step 8 straightened out my thinking.
One of the hardest amends was to my ex-wife. Although we had regular contact for custody purposes, our relationship had deteriorated to the point where we could not hold a conversation for longer than 30 seconds. I chose to write a letter. I was careful not to include any “new information” that might have harmed her further. Instead, I frankly admitted the wrongs I had done and expressed sincere regret. I also offered her the chance to share anything else I had overlooked.
A week later, I received a phone call from her. In that conversation, I learnt a great deal about how my behaviour had affected others. Much of the call was focused on the welfare of our daughter and what I could do to be of service.
Placing my misgivings in God’s hands, I could not have imagined the outcome. Today we are able to communicate with mutual respect, with our daughter’s welfare at the heart of our conversations.
Step 9 taught me that amends are not simply about clearing my conscience or getting a pleasant response, they are about setting right the wrongs of the past as best I can, with God’s help. In doing so, I discovered a freedom I had never known before.
– Alistair