Grisons, Switzerland, 2025
This article reflects on Steps Six and Seven of the 12 Steps, exploring the willingness to let go of character defects and the humility to ask for their removal. Through personal stories, it shows how these spiritual principles continue to unfold—even after many years of sobriety.
Step Six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Step Seven: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
The 12 & 12 says that “this is the Step that separates the men from the boys” (p. 63). This is in the sense of deciding to choose what I now believe God wants for me, instead of what I (think I) want.
To get to this point, I think the condition is to have the previous Steps sink in deeper:
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That, left to my own devices, I will drink again;
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That God can grant me the power not to;
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To decide it is not my life anymore, but God’s;
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To see the true nature and destructiveness of my mistaken beliefs and behaviors—in my life and in the lives of those around me;
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To exercise humility and experience acceptance.
Without those previous Steps, I would not be able to see what and why I should be ready to let go of.
I need to be willing to be challenged and honest to see the ego’s plans and designs and their manifestations in my life—their destructiveness. Then, I should not only be willing to let go of them, but also want to take Step 7 and continue with the further process rather quickly. The only ammunition the ego has is fear: fear that I will not get what I want, or that I will lose it once I have it. Fear that there is no God. That is why I need more of everything—to secure myself in this world where there is no security. My only security comes from God. That is definitely not something the ego wants me to buy.
My only asset in Step 6 is willingness. I cannot change myself. But if I have truly given my will and life over to God, then I am willing to decide for His will over mine. If I still find something I am not willing to let go of, completely and now, I pray to become willing. How do I know I am being honest? In my experience, it means to pray that God would guide me as needed to remove these defects from me. This may include going through experiences to understand more deeply the why (i.e., how these defects are blocking me from serving God). It means to be willing to go through anything in order to be truly free, even when I do not feel willing in the moment.
– Katya
When I was 20 years sober I spent a week at a Benedictine Monastery in New Mexico. Each day I read stories in the big book. One such story, written by one of the first people in Chicago to get sober, talks of this man’s interaction with Doctor Bob and steps 4 to 7. He said that “Dr. Bob pointed out some of his defects of character, such as: selfishness, conceit, jealousy, carelessness, intolerance ill-temper, sarcasm, and resentments.”
These jumped off the page for me, because at 20 years sober they were very much alive and busy in my life. I thought I should be so much better by now. I called my sponsor and asked him: if I have asked to have these removed, then why do I still have them? He answered: “We ask to have them removed, not erased. They are no longer front and center. They no longer dominate. But they are still there, waiting for drama or upset or chaos, and then they join up in groups of two and three and we can behave very badly. Then it is time for step ten, and new experiences of cleaning up messes and making amends.”
This has been my experience over the past years. My defects are still very much my defects. I have a daily reprieve from the worst of my bad behavior. And I am still very much me.
Living today, one day at a time, present in my own skin, is the only way I know to be alive and well and sober. I am happy this program gives me some tools that I can use to be here and now and useful just for today.
– Tom W.
I attended my first AA meeting around 1984. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay, even though I knew I belonged in the fellowship. Members at that first meeting said to me, “Keep coming back,” and with the grace of God and the fellowship of AA, that’s what I did. I was told miracles happen in AA, and I believe it today. I eventually came back, and a day at a time, I haven’t picked up that first drink in nearly 17 years. Alcohol nearly took my life, and I know for definite that if I stop going to AA meetings and don’t stick close to the AA fellowship, my AA friends, and my Higher Power, I will pick up that first drink—and for me, death will be close by. I love being sober, and for me, that is a miracle.
– Willie