Vallée de Joux, Switzerland, 2025
In these three personal accounts, three fellows reflect on their journeys of confronting alcoholism and embracing the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous: admitting powerlessness over alcohol. Through their experiences, they explore the mental, physical, and spiritual toll of addiction and the realization that self-will alone is insufficient. Each story highlights a pivotal moment of surrender, the necessity of seeking a higher power, and the transformative power of the Twelve Steps.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol â that our lives had become unmanageable.
When I walked into AA, my first question was: Am I an alcoholic? To answer this, I didnât need to evaluate how long I had been drinking or compare my consequences to anyone elseâs. I had good reasons to stopâand yet I didnât, because I couldnât. I had the double-edged sword of a mind that would always take me back to drinking and a body with an insatiable craving for more when I started.
Step One taught me something that shook me: I was drinking against my will. As the consequences escalated, I swore to others â I wonât do it again. But deep down, I knew I had lost control. When the impulse to drink came, I had no defence, and I obeyed it. Iâd drink far more than I intended, ending up physically sick and full of regret.
As I read the Big Book, I saw the truth: without accessing Power, I was going to drink again. No matter how hard I tried or how much I didnât want to.
But I still did not surrender, and I continued drinking. I told myself I still had timeâthat I could come back whenever I wanted. Then one day, an AA member looked me in the eye and said, âThe alcoholism will never be done.â Something shifted. It hit me: if I drink again, I might not make it back here. I was in the grip of a progressive and fatal illness, and it might not release me next time.
I remember sitting in a meeting when a thought crossed my mind: This is your opportunity. Grab it.
Now the question became: What do I have to do? I admitted defeat and surrendered to the daily programme of action. I saw it had worked for others and it worked for me too.Â
I am powerless over alcohol, and I need Power. The Twelve Steps showed me that to stay sober, I need to stay under Godâs directionâ24 hours a day.Â
â Cara R.Â
It can be helpful to think of âmy powerâ or âhuman-powerâ as consisting of two things (i) Knowledge (of what to do), and (ii) Ability (to do it). When it came to alcohol, I was always missing one or both the components of âmy powerâ. Catastrophic results of excessive drinking made it plain as day I should drink less.Â
And surely I could use âmy powerâ to achieve this? I had the knowledge of what to do; set a drinks limit. But I soon found I had no ability to do this. I would always drink more than intended and do damage to my life and body. I had component (i) of human-power but not component (ii). I knew what I had to do but I couldnât do what I had to do. Unable to control or moderate, I sought another solution.Â
For many years there hadnât been a session I hadnât regretted. I couldnât recall an occasion where a budget, time-limit or good-behaviour intention was adhered to. Drinking was definitely not in my best interest. I should stop altogether. I should exert my power and quit for good. I know what to do, now do it. I would get a few days booze-free, sometimes weeks and think Iâd cracked it. But I would always start drinking again. The compulsion to carry on drinking would override the knowledge of how disastrous it was for me.Â
Alcoholism was a hijacker and could take over my life at any moment. I could make plans, set intentions and know drinking was bad for me but could become hostage to a drinking bout out of nowhere. Alcohol was not some problematic sector of my life. Alcohol â the hijacker â was the dominant governor of my life. I had to admit that. To âadmitâ means to confess to be true. Having one component of human-power, or part of it, at some times but not at another is to have no power at all. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol – that my life had become unmanageable. I confess this truth to that innermost part of me. That is Step One.
â Danah HW.
When you do nothing you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things betterÂ
â Maya Angelou.
That quote steps up the essence of Step One to me â the end of denial, the acceptance of my powerlessness over alcohol and the acceptance of the work required to find the solution offered by the Twelve Steps of the AA programme.
Without working my way through the steps, I am without agency or control. I am defenseless against the first drink and incapable of considering the inevitable consequences of drinking for my mental and physical health, and careless of the harm caused to those around me. I have to accept the realities of the illness of alcoholism and seek connection with other alcoholics in order to begin a true recovery.
Recovery begins with understanding the symptoms of alcoholism. In doing so, I can begin to construct defenses against relapse, as one thing that I have learned is that there is no such thing as a safe slip: my next drink could kill me. If I donât put my program first, I cannot hope to combat the mental obsession and the physical craving which feed each other.Â
This illness is progressive, fatal and incurable. Acceptance of that allows me to build barricades against the physical craving and mental obsession which are part of it.
Today I feel hopeful about my recovery. I am gaining understanding of my illness and have accepted it. Most importantly I am taking responsibility for managing it. If I do nothing, I will continue to feel overwhelmed and powerless. But if I continue to reach out to my fellows in AA, to put the work in and to seek a spiritual awakening, putting in the effort before focusing on the outcomes, that work will be rewarded.
â Beth