There are over 40 English speaking meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous in The Netherlands every week. The members come from all walks of life. Sharing our published stories is a principal means that we offer the reader outside of A.A. the opportunity of identification. The story below is that of one of our members.
Steve’s Story
Steve awoke. It was early and he was cold. He knew he wasn’t well but that wasn’t surprising, he had slept under the bridge. He couldn’t really remember the night before. Looking at the state of his clothes, his bruised knuckles, he thought he had been in a fight. It didn’t matter, he was a man and this was a man’s life. He checked his hidden store of bacon, the rats hadn’t got it this time, So far so good, he had eggs too. He made a fire from kindling.
The police car stopped under the bridge. The officer opened the window.
“Frying bacon, sergeant?”
“Want a bacon butty, son?” Steve was at least equal to the policeman who had moved him on a week before.
Susan from the Salvation Army had taken him in, into her house. She had seen something in him. She thought could stop him drinking and drugging and stop the violence, too.
She couldn’t.
A month later he couldn’t stay in the house, not in his state. He couldn’t go back to the bridge in Rotterdam.  He was yellow.  Susan, the nurse, recognised the failing liver. She did not know which was stronger in her: fear, fear of him, fear of him dying, or pity.
He let her down. He stole money from her. Susan was in debt. He promised to give her his unemployment benefit. He spent it on crack. She passed him on her bicycle. Steve saw her look as she pedaled on. He finished the crack. He stole some booze.
Susan made a home for him in the shed at the bottom of the garden. He woke in the middle of the grass. He had vomited and had soiled himself. Had he been dreaming of the glory days?
Steve was a Para, a brave soldier. He had served in Northern Ireland. He was promoted to Staff Sergeant. Staff they called him. He was Staff to private and general alike. He fought in the Falklands. He had tabbed across the island. The enemy surrendered to a smaller, braver, fiercer force. He was the favourite of a prime minister.
Soldiering is a young man’s game. Steve retired. They honoured him. He turned to welding inspection. He started his own company. He owned a hotel and a pub, He was successful. Money flowed and women came. The oil company flew him to the Middle East. He bought a Jaguar and a boat. A pretty girl, décolleté, sold him a gold Rolex. He left his wife and children. They were 3 and 5. He paid for drinks in bars from large wads of notes. He sniffed and snorted. He was on top of the world.
The phone stopped ringing. The money ran out. The dealers were after him. He could defend himself. He ran to Holland. He went to prison. He was put in other institutions. He was de-toxed. He was running scared.
The neighbours were complaining. It was a respectable area. Susan couldn’t keep him; not in her shed. She dreaded opening the door, fearing to find his corpse. He moved to an island on the river. He didn’t get better. He was more yellow. People tried to dry him out. It worked for a week or two. His Dutch was not good enough for treatment in the Netherlands. A social worker found a clinic in Scotland; Castle Craig. They phoned. He could go straight away.
Susan brought him home for a meal. Her sister was there. He couldn’t go to Castle Craig. He had no money for a ticket. Susan was broke for reasons all three of them understood. Susan’s sister bought the ticket for him. Steve was humbled by this gesture of kindness from someone who hated what he’d done to her family.
At Castle Craig something happened. He crossed the threshold and believed he could change. He saw that the past did not determine the future. The fact that his mother and father had belittled and beaten him did not make him a hopeless case. He would become a useful human being.
The Castle bases its treatment on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Steve had to admit that he was powerless over drugs and alcohol, he had to admit that his life was unmanageable. He was told to find a Higher Power, the Universe, the Strength of the Group, a loving God of his understanding. He was told that the Higher Power was not him.
The patients, therapists and counselors, all recovering addicts and alcoholics, gave Steve a warmth and understanding that he had not expected. These were people who understood. They hadn’t read a book about swimming, they could swim and were willing to show him. He started to give it back, in small rationed doses. He was tentative, resistant but determined.
He had to admit his shortcomings. He didn’t have any, well hardly any. It was a long list. It was surprisingly painful. There were tears. He was at Castle Craig for eight months. He seized everything they had to offer with both hands. He was not cured but recovering. He was on a spiritual journey. The obsession to drink and drug had been removed. He was free to get a life!
He left the Castle. He hugged them all. They had given him a new life. They had given him a chance. He returned to Holland. They had told him to go to AA. Susan brought him back to her house, this woman who had loved him when he was an empty shell, a burnt out case.
He went to AA in The Hague. He found the same spiritual program, the same warmth, the same understanding that had found in the Castle. They were from all walks of life; engineers, social workers, teachers, building workers, journalists. They had one thing in common; they were all alcoholics. They helped each other.
Steve has found recovery and wants to give it back. He visits the down and outs. He helps people in AA. He is the friend of the least lovely. He gives tough love. The Salvation Army welcomes him. Alcoholics and addicts listen to him. He had lived the life. He speaks the truth. He takes them to AA meetings. He knows he has to give back what was so freely given to him.
Steve can laugh. There is only one true joke – the one on yourself. He had learned to laugh in the Castle and in AA, but he could not work. He would never be able to work again. His hip was arthritic. His knee was swollen. Walking was painful. It was not that he couldn’t work, nobody would want him. Charley told him to apply for jobs. It was pointless. Charley gave him a list of employers and told him to give them a call. He was paralysed with fear of rejection. He called. They sent a car for him. They gave him a job. They sent him on a course. He passed the exams. He was a welding inspector again. He had a company car.
AA and Castle Craig told him to make amends. He had to for his own recovery. He made amends to his children. They are teenagers now. One speaks to him, the other doesn’t. Making amends is not always easy. Susan has forgiven him. She always had. There are more amends to be made.
Walking got more difficult. Steve was grey with pain. He needed a hip replacement. He had the operation, he is dependent on crutches. His walking is better now. The greyness is gone.
Nobody fears him. He has friends. Steve learnt to put others first, to go out of his way to help, to be spiritual. He is at peace and is happy for the first time in his life. He had been searching for the principles contained within the 12 Steps all his life but didn’t know it. He has found what he was searching for!
He says “Don’t dismiss the miracle before it happens…. It’s a weee adventure!”
This is a true story. The names have been changed to protect anonymity.
Some people come to AA though treatment, others walk through the door. Each story is different. Whilst not affiliated with any treatment centre, AA recognizes the value of treatment for some alcoholics.
Reprinted with permission from The Netherlands PI Committee
Editor’s note: this article has been published in accordance with our ArenA Editorial Policy.