Riga, Latvia, 2018
The process of the 12 Steps requires unlearning deeply held beliefs. In this article, a fellow explores how letting go of rigid assumptions—especially about faith and personal power—can open the door to recovery.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Somebody said, “It ain’t the things you don’t know that can kill you. It’s knowing things for sure that just ain’t so!” That line sums up a huge part of my recovery: learning to let go of what I think I know to make room for the shift in perception that has the power to save my life.
For a long time, I struggled with the second step. I couldn’t open myself to the idea of being saved by a Power greater than myself. I felt undeserving and convinced I had to save myself through sheer effort.
One day, while reading the Big Book’s second foreword, Dr. Bob’s story struck me:
“This physician had repeatedly tried spiritual means to resolve his alcoholic dilemma but had failed. But when the broker gave him Dr. Silkworth’s description of alcoholism and its hopelessness, the physician began to pursue the spiritual remedy for his malady with a willingness he had never before been able to muster” (p. xvi).
Dr. Bob’s turning point came when he fully accepted the hopelessness of his condition. This realization opened my eyes: if I wanted a chance at recovery, I needed to fully concede to my innermost being my own utter powerlessness. I was doomed, completely incapable of saving myself.
An idea was presented to me: In what position do you think these other people are that you see in meetings every day? It dawned on me: they were in the exact same position.
Yet they were able to stay sober, take on responsibilities and be kind. If they are as powerless as I am yet able to conduct themselves so differently from myself, there had to be something bigger that is saving them. And I started to believe that it might be available for me as well.
Three major roadblocks remained:
1. I didn’t think I deserved help.
2. I cringed at people who believed in God.
3. I thought I knew what believing in God meant—and I didn’t like it.
I was told to ask myself a few simple questions: What if I’m wrong? What if I’m wrong about God, about people who believe in Him, and about what having faith would be like?
That small willingness to question my assumptions opened the door to a new path—one necessary to my survival and one much better than I could have ever imagined.
– Can